Contest Winner!

Thanks so much for all the participation in the contest.

And the winner is...Brittany!

Congratulations Brittany. 

I'm still going to answer all the submitted questions. Come back for the answers and for future contests. And always feel free to ask anything else.

Step-mother Involvement

Question

What would be a good way to involve a step-mother in wedding planning, without stepping on the real mother's toes?

~The Doutt Family

Answer

Thanks for the great question Doutt Family!

Sharing the responsibilities, whether financial or decision making, can be difficult for any wedding. Doing so with a mixed family can be even harder. 

When bride and groom announce their engagement, the first thing that should be done is to have a parent meeting. (See my post on parent meetings.) If all parties can get along fairly well, the best answer would be for step parents to be invited to this crucial decision-making meeting. Then step-mother's role can be easily defined right from the beginning. 

After the bridal couple, traditionally the mother and father of the bride and groom pay, help the most with decisions, and are in the seats of honor at dinner, during toasts, and dancing. But today more and more children are being raised by their step-parents and forming closer and closer bonds with them.

Bow to the bride's prerogative. This is an exciting and stressful time for her. If she wants her mom more involved and her step-mom less involved, or the opposite, try to honor that.  Make an offer in the beginning to the bride to help in any way you can.  Make it clear that you will support her in whatever role she gives you. Then let it be. Love her and support her. Don't pester her—that will only make it worse. Ultimately, problems will be a lot fewer if things are discussed right from the get go, instead of waiting for a clash to arise.

Step-mom: Still don't know what to do now? Ask bride and her mom how you can help and if they don't have anything for you to do try to be supportive and kind. Bride may need you when things get too stressful and she needs a place to go just to relax.

Buying from the Gift Registry

Question

As a guest - should I stick to the registry or can I go offbook and get something else for the couple?

~Anonymous

Answer

Thank you so much for your question! Remember, if you want to be entered into the contest, you have to be following the blog and tell me your name.

As a guest at a wedding you can buy the couple whatever you like. The registry is just a guide. The registry used to be so the couple could choose a china pattern or silver set and then guests could come and buy portions of the set (as one full set was costly).

However, gift registries have since become a couple's wish list. These lists are filled with things that the couple specifically wants or, air-quotes, "needs", but I personally believe that a gift should say something about the giver. I myself like to choose things that I got for my own wedding that were unexpected and perfect.

So..Yes, you have to buy a gift from the registry and No, you can buy the couple whatever you deem fit.

Comments

Having trouble commenting? Simply comment using "Anonymous" and put your name in the commentary so I know who you are.

Weddings in Season

Question

Are weddings best to plan for the winter, fall, spring or summer?

 ~PanchoUte

Answer

Thanks for being the first to ask a question during the contest! 

You can plan a wedding for any particular season and no season is best, but each season impacts your plans differently.

When choosing your season keep in mind a few things:

• Flowers are cheaper if bought in season
• Colors are easier to find in season (for instance: oranges are a lot easier to come by in the fall than in the spring)
• Do you want an outdoor reception? Keeping guests comfortable can be a lot more difficult and costly in some seasons (for example, winter in cold climates).
• Lots of brides choose Summer weddings, so many vendors are busier then.
   

Other things in the year impact your planning often more than season.

• If you live in a college town (or even sometimes if you don't) the breaks in the semesters tend to be over-packed.
• How long do you want your engagement to be? (Long engagements can be hard.)
• Do you want to avoid any major holidays? (Yes!)
• This is when your anniversary will be forever. (That's right forever. You will always be celebrating your anniversary during this time. Every year. For all time. For real. Think about it.)

Many things (like flowers and hotel rooms) tend to be more expensive around holidays like Valentine's and Mother's Day. And most venues book up quickly for anytime in June. Christmas is a crazy time of year and summer can be sweltering. But the short answer is, every season (or time of year) has its problems and its benefits. Season shouldn't really be the determining factor. So, choose what best suits you. 

Win a $25 gift card to Olive Garden!

Hey members of my blog! 

Ask me a wedding related question in this comment stream and I'll enter your name in a drawing for a free $25 gift card to Olive Garden. Ask two questions, get entered twice and so on and so on!

Not a member of my blog? Click to "Join this site" and ask your questions. This contest will run from now until Saturday at 5pm when I'll announce the winner!

Good luck!

We the management reserve the right to not enter your name because your question is just yanking my chain. Void where prohibited.

Coming Soon!

I have a book being published!

"Your LDS Wedding Planner: A Guide to a Stunning Wedding" is set to be released on March 13th, published by Cedar Fort. It's a wedding reference guide with a detailed checklist to get you from "I'm engaged" to "What do I pack in my emergency kit?" and through past the honeymoon. Keep checking my blog for advice, to ask your questions, for free give-aways and also to pre-order my book!

Invitation Wording- No children please

It is an etiquette faux pas to add the words, "No children please" or "Adults only please" to a wedding invitation. Technically, anyone not listed on the envelope is not invited and so, unless you list the children, the invitee should not bring them. 

However. Some room must be given to culture. We as LDS people tend to include and invite children very often. People generally assume the whole family is invited unless otherwise stated. So what do you do? Do you breech etiquette and let your guests know that children are not invited on the invitation? Or do you pray the kids don't come?

I know one guest that was not informed of the "adults only"-ness of a reception, and so went along with her 8 children in tow. When she arrived at the event, she was met by a hired babysitter (who was a teenager she didn't know) who informed the guest, that she would care for the children while the guest attended the reception. Well the guest had 8 kids! Including infant twins. How excited do you think she was about this arrangement? It would have been way better to alert her before the reception, so she could decide what to do with her children and have them cared for under her own conditions. 

It's worth the slight breech in etiquette to inform parents to leave the little ones at home to accommodate for our family friendly LDS culture. While this may be a breech of etiquette, the purpose of etiquette is not to blindly follow advice passed down by our mothers. The purpose is to ensure that human interactions proceed as smoothly as possible without hurt feelings. If you know someone will probably bring their children unless told otherwise and you don't want them to, then you should let the know. You shouldn't just blindside them at the event. How is that polite? Etiquette is about polite. Believe me it will make the whole experience less stressful and more joyful.

Salt Lake Bridal Showcase

I went to the Salt Lake Bridal Showcase tonight. I was able to visit every booth and it was a lot of fun. Most of the vendors there would be useful for an LDS wedding. I was surprised by the dresses on display; overall they were not modest and certainly not temple appropriate. Many a dress shop and designer reassured me that they do have modest dresses, or could alter their dresses to make them modest. But I was surprised by how few of the dresses on display portrayed that. Interesting for a city with such a high LDS population. 

Anyway, some of the vendors there were fantastic. Here are a few that stood out to me:

• Shutter Booth - This is a photo booth for your guests. It's quite the new craze. It fits somewhere around 10 people at a time. Your guests go in, have candid photos taken, and come away with a strip printed just for them, with your wedding logo printed on it. You also get a copy either printed for you and put into a book (that your guests can sign) or saved to a disc. Now how fun is that! By the way, the owners will stay and monitor your booth to help keep things G rated.
• Laughing Gravy - These guys are DJs and Emcees that provide the whole shebang. They bring in lights, music, a DJ and even have karaoke. You get to choose the playlist and they have hours of music for you to choose from. Tell them what you like or what you don't like and they'll accommodate. 
• Ambrosia Wedding Cakes - Heather Berntsen creates these beautiful and delicious cakes. She'll give you ideas or create one from your own vision. Give her a call. As she put it,"ambrosia is the food for the gods."
• Goodwood Barbecue Company - What sets Jenny McAffee (Catering Director) apart from the rest is her flexibility and great attitude. She truly believes this is your special day and whatever you want can be done. She will provide anything from a full service sit down meal, to drop off buffet food, to delivering the dishes for you to serve your grandma's lasagna in. She's kind and capable and has a great product to stand behind. I highly recommend her and the Goodwood Barbecue Company.
• Stronger Marriage - This Utah government agency was there helping to promote not only a successful wedding but a successful marriage. They are dedicated to helping couples to turn me into we. They believe that a wedding is a great time to begin practicing how you as a couple will deal with hard decisions, such as: communication, budgeting, and the in-laws. And I agree wholeheartedly. 

Well those are some of the highlights. Check it out yourself! The Bridal Showcase goes through Saturday, January 7, is at the Salt Palace, and costs $7. (A $2 off coupon can be printed here.)

MSN's Budget Tips

There is an article on MSN today with 50 budget tips for brides. Here's the link:

http://yourmoney.msn.com/saving-money-advice/31662909

Parts of it can't be used for an LDS wedding, but much of it is helpful. Some of my favorites are:

• have a smaller guest list
• serve dessert instead of dinner
• have a small wedding cake and serve guests from a sheet cake
• use a playlist instead of a band (I'd even throw in to have a friend play DJ.)
• use in-season flowers (I also suggest silk flowers which can be quite cheap.)
• shop post-holiday sales
• borrow or rent items, instead of buying (This can be applied to your dress, jewelry, decorations, tables and chairs, linens, vases, etc.)

Another of their suggestions is to be clear with your potential vendors about the budget you are willing to spend, so you don't shop outside of your price range. I would be careful. People in sales love to up-sell. I would undercut your budget slightly to them, giving you wiggle room. That will help so that when they pull out all the stops and mention cutesy little individual wedding cakes for each guest, you might have room to add on.