Well, I'm engaged. What now? — Parent Meeting

Yay! You're engaged! It's hard to know where to start when you get engaged. Do I buy my dress first? book a caterer? start a guest list? choose a ring? Well I'll tell you. 

First things first: have a meeting with you, your fiance and all parents. I call this the parent meeting. Many things should be handled at this meeting. Your agenda should include: introducing everyone; discussing a date, time and place for the wedding; choosing your wedding party; sharing preliminary ideas (such as people you have connections to that can help); and most importantly determine a budget and specifically decide how the expenses will be shared.

Discussing these things face to face right at the beginning will save everyone a lot of trouble throughout the whole planning process. It will help everyone to know what they're in charge of and what they can stay out of.

You may think some things are obvious or commonly agreed upon. Never assume that. Different people have very different ideas about what the same thing means. It brings to mind the stories from my childhood of Amelia Bedelia the literal housekeeper who "When she weeds the garden, she replants the weeds. And when she pitches a tent, she throws it into the woods."

Be specific in exactly who's taking care of what. And what does "taking care of" really mean? Does it mean paying for, planning, executing, or some combination of those? And who gets the final say? Trust me you'll be happier later if you clear these things up before they're a problem.

It's much easier to say at the beginning, "Don't make the food at home. I really don't want the stress of coordinating the food for my reception. I'll pay for a caterer just to give me peace of mind." Better that than trying to tell your aunt the same thing after she's already stayed up all night making gallons of her chicken salad that you can't help fearing will give everyone hives.