Bachelor/Bachellorette Parties

To do or not to do. We, as Latter Day Saints, don't have much need for wild drinking binges or for watching scantily clad dancers before we head out to the temple for the greatest day of our life. So do we need bachelor and bachelorette parties? Well, no. But why not spend a night close to your wedding having a great time with your friends?

Get all your friends together and go crazy! Play monopoly, go golfing, watch late night movies, have a slumber party, shoot pool. Hey live dangerous and go toilet papering! I don't think it really matters what activity you choose. Do whatever it is that you won't have as much time for now that you'll be spending every night with your sweetie. (As if you weren't spending every waking moment together before.)

I really do think it's a good idea to spend some quality undivided time with those friends of yours that were there to get you in and out of trouble and stuck with you through all the relationship drama that proceeded this big event. Whether you know it or not, your time with your friends is about to diminish rapidly and it only gets harder. Give them the love and attention they deserve and let yourself have fun!

Wedding Groupon

Hey guys. Check out Groupon today to save on your wedding in many ways. They have savings on photography, bridal gown preservation, invitations, spa packages and more. Give it a look!

Wedding Article in Deseret News

I'm in the Deseret News Today! Here's the link:
http://www.deseretnews.com/article/765562952/Preparing-for-marriage-while-planning-a-wedding.html


She quotes a few people. The article is really great. It talks about how preparing for a wedding also prepares you for a marriage. It has sections on: communication, managing conflict, family relationships, managing time and dealing with imperfections. It's well written. I love the points the other interviewees have.

I particularly love the section entitled, "Family Matters". It talks about expectations for all parties involved and learning to cooperate, negotiate and overall start to set boundaries with your family.

Thanks Rachel for letting me be a part of it!

Appropriate Temple Attire

So, I thought this was a given, but when going to the temple for your wedding day make sure to wear appropriate temple attire. This means Sunday dress. This does not mean in your jammie pants and t-shirt, bunny slippers and hair in curlers (true story).

The temple is not your dressing room. It is the Lord’s house. Just try to remember that—even on your wedding day. Arrive at the temple ready to be married (with the exception of changing into your dress). Everything else (hair and make-up) should be done. They do not ask you to come early to the temple so you have time to get ready. It’s because there are several things that you need to do when you get there, including: records verification, changing, meeting with the matron and sealer, and possibly participating in a pre-wedding sacred ceremony.

This is the Lord’s house. That should not be taken lightly. He gave us these buildings to be a place of worship and to participate in sacred ordinances. If He would be happy with the way you are dressed then you’re okay.

Grandmother's Attire

Question: My Grandmother asked me what she should wear to my wedding. What should I tell her?

Answer: If Grandma is asking you what she should wear, odds are she wants to be involved. Look at what your other key players in your wedding party are wearing. Perhaps she could wear something that coordinates with the wedding colors and the rest of the wedding party.

She shouldn’t be dressier than the mothers. If they are wearing dress suits, she could wear something similar. If they are going for a more formal look then she can, too.

The key points are:

• She should fit into the wedding
• She shouldn’t upstage the mothers and definitely not the bride herself
• She should be a person of honor (So she should get a corsage, along with the mothers)

Other than that, it’s pretty much up to you. If you’re all wearing jeans, let her know and invite her to do so. (Things would likely have been more formal in her time, so she may not be anticipating that.) Just let her be involved and let her know how much it matters that she asked what you think. Not everyone will be so thoughtful.

Gift Opening Soapbox

In my book, Your LDS Wedding Planner, I have what I call “Soapboxes.” These are places where I give-in a bit to the less-censored Ann. I tend to be a tad opinionated and harsher. I tell my audience to feel free to ignore, disagree, and even skip over these soapboxes. Here’s an example:

Gifts:

Don’t make people come and watch you open your gifts. That is crazy. People don’t want to. They might say they do. They’re just trying to be nice. Like your baby sister wants to sit around for hours — and it will be hours — to watch you open a million gifts. Seriously, it took my husband and I two days to open all our gifts, because even we tired of it.

Your wedding gifts are really great. It’s like the biggest and best Christmas you ever imagined. For you. For everyone else it’s torture. “Oh look! More towels. Put those with the other 5 sets.” Your mom is interested. Your dad? He’d rather have bamboo shoots shoved underneath his fingernails one by one. (I’m just saying.)

Overall people will care about the things you got, but not each and every thing. The best idea is to write it all down so that when Mom asks, “What did Aunt Laurel give you?” you can sweetly and gratefully respond, “Oh Mom! She gave me the loveliest vacuum. It’s exactly what I always wanted. She’s so awesome!”

See how that’s better? Now you and your new hubby can take your time opening your gifts. You can go through them with honest opinions and think about where you want everything to go. (Like in the attic.) No really, this can be a fun time for you guys to really pay attention to each thing. Instead of pushing it aside to get through it all before your audience runs out of “give a darn.” This will also help you to easily write your thank-you cards as you think about how truly thoughtful each gift was.

Book Signing

I have a book signing for my new book, Your LDS Wedding Planner, this Saturday, March, 24th from 9-11am at Seagull Book.(1720 S. Redwood Road)

I’d love to see you there!

Invitations - Just a Story

You used to choose your wedding invitations from a wide variety put into a book of choices. While I love weddings and I love choices, when it came time for my wedding I just wanted to fast forward to married. I didn't want to plan and make decisions. I wanted to be married.

So, when my mother and her wedding planner friend came at my groom and me with not just one but three giant books of invitation choices to look through, I almost cried. Now, let me help you picture this. Here sit my groom and I—anxious to be married—and after 2 hours of planning and questions about what we want for the wedding plans my mother smiles and eagerly tells me it's time to look at the invitations. I agree and out they come. Three books! Dare I call them that? They were binder-type books about 5 inches thick, each page held two choices.

“Ugh!” I sighed. My mother beamed. My groom, to his credit, patiently sat and waited for his job to be assigned.

"Let's start looking and see what we like," Mom began.

"Oh Mom! There's too many, just pick the cheapest one."

"Come on, Ann. This is fun. You can have whatever one you want."

"But I don't care. You just pick."

"You really can have whichever you want. Which do you want?" asks my groom.

"Just pick what's cheapest. I don't care." I answer.

He stops, looks me in the eye and says, "You're not just being nice, you really don't care?"

"I really don't care." My groom, who my mother adores almost more than she loves me, asks my mother to narrow it down to two and then we'll choose. I of course find this idea brilliant, and not just because my kissy-smooch of a fiancé thought it up.

So my mother narrows down the choices and shows us the final two. "Which do you want?"

Now, in my head I'm thinking, ‘I don't care! They're very similar and both beautiful so either is great.’ But, I know any further lack of decision-making may result in my mother's transformation into a bride eating beast. So, I dutifully choose one. To which my mother replies, "Really?" in that tone. I know you know the tone. You've heard it in your own mother's voice when she asks if you're "really going out like that?"

So she tilts her head and says in her mommy tone, "Really?"

We went with the other invitation.

And they were beautiful. Thanks Mom!

Question: Can my groom wear his Armed Forces uniform to the temple?

Answer: Yes. Conditionally.

You are allowed to wear your full dress uniforms to the temple, but it comes with a couple conditions.

• You may not bring any weapons onto the temple grounds. I know that his weapons are part of the full uniform, but weapons of any kind are not permitted.
• He may wear it into the temple, but not for the ceremony. He can change back into it for the pictures afterward.

Thanks for the great question! Keep them coming to my email LDSWeddingQuestions@gmail.com

Temple Wedding Article

Here the link to a good article from LDS.org about planning a temple wedding.  http://www.lds.org/new-era/2004/10/planning-your-temple-wedding?lang=eng  It's got some great advice and is worthy of a look over. It includes things like: what can I wear to the temple? and when should I get my recommend from the bishop?

One thing it mentions is that you are required to have two recommends each, a temple recommend and a Living Ordinance recommend. Pay special care to heed this advice, many a couple has shown up to the temple without that Living Ordinance recommend thinking their current temple recommend will suffice. The living ordinance will be required. No recommend, no wedding.

This information will also come on your letter from the temple. READ THE LETTER. It's definitely worth the 5 minutes it will take you. It has valuable information that seems obvious but is commonly the most missed.

Launch Giveaway Winners!

The results are in and the winners have been contacted. Congratulations to -

Karissa Gardner who won $150 to Sweetheart Bridal
and
Rebecca Vance who won $100 to Carsey Cakes

Thanks to these great businesses for donating the gifts certificates and thanks so much to all who entered. I wish you luck in all your wedding planning.

Launch Party: and March Blog Contest Winner

Thanks to everyone for coming out to the launch party yesterday! It was a great success! Thanks to Carsey Cakes and Sweetheart Bridal for donating their products and gift certificates. Everything was beautiful.

Your LDS Wedding Planner is officially for sale in stores. Thanks to all my interested brides. The giveaway winners will be contacted today and announced after I've reached them. (Either tonight or tomorrow)

As for the blog contest...drum-roll please...Congratulations Jeanette Linder! You've won a $50 gift card of your choice. Contact me with your chosen business and I'll get it right to you. Thank you Jeanette and everyone else for helping to spread the word about my book and my launch party.

May all your events be filled with joy and not stress!

Overwelmed?

Don’t try to do too much. When you think about “folding each napkin into a flower,” does it excite you or does it make your head explode? If you don’t care about something, then let it go. Either don’t have it at all or let someone else take care of it.There are many people out there who are willing and eager to help. Let them help you. Have them do the grunt work and you be the decision making power. If you just can’t make one more decision, then don’t. Determine what matters the most to you at the beginning and start there. That way you don’t burn out before you get to the things that matter the most.

Wedding Dress General Helps

The best thing to do when choosing your wedding dress, is keep the temple in your mind through the
whole decision process. Just keep thinking, “Is this temple worthy?” Even if you are not wearing your gown for the ceremony, you should always make sure it modestly covers your garments. Don’t think, “I
think that might cover my garments.” It must. If you’re not endowed yet, ask an endowed woman for her advice. Remember, you alter the dress, not the garments. And yes, pinning counts as altering.

A few other things to think about when choosing your dress:

• does it suit my personality and style? (you want your groom to recognize you, right?)
• is my dress appropriate for my location and expected weather—are you dragging a white train across a barn floor, fresh cut grass, or muddy ground? Just think about it. Better to be prepared than sad.
• budget—don’t even go looking for a dress you’ll never be able to afford. It can only end in tears.
• clearly specify to the sales reps what conditions you are operating under. (If you aren’t sure what styles you want, then start by telling them the temple guidelines. You’d be amazed at how many
that will sort out.) This will make the dress shopping a lot more fun, as they don’t waste your time with dresses you can’t use.

March Contest: Win a $50 Gift Card of Your Choice!

It’s time for my biggest giveaway yet: A $50 gift card of your choice! One limitation: I have to be able to purchase a card for the establishment you choose. (No cash value)

To enter, mention your name and the contest when you come to my book launch.  You can also have your friends enter your name for you. Each person that mentions your name is another chance for you to win!

Restrictions:

• Each person may only tell me up to two names to enter into the contest. For example, themselves and the person that sent them.

• The names must be told to me in person at the launch.

• The mentioner has to also mention this contest.  I won’t be telling people about it at the door.

So spread the word and come to the launch! Here’s a link to the launch info to add to your Facebook, twitter, text message, blog, etc.

The winner will be announced on my blog on Friday, March 16, 2012.

Reception Location

No matter where you want your reception to be there are many things that ought to be considered before the final decision is made. Here are just a few:

• Cost: Is it too expensive? What if you have to use their caterer or have to bring in a lot of decorations, lighting, seating, fans, heaters, or furry animals? (That last one was just to see if you were paying attention.)  Add up all the costs together before you see which place is cheaper.
• Location: Is it centrally located to many of your guests? Can you explain it to your guests who may not have a GPS built into their phone? 
•  Weather: Is it outdoors? If so weather will definitely be a concern. If it's not outside, weather could still impact your choice. Is it at the top of a steep, rarely plowed road? That could be a problem in case there is a freak snowstorm, in July. Just think about it.
• Parking: If you are having your reception at a ward house or stake center, then parking is generally not a problem. However, I have been to many a reception in a beautiful backyard, where I am forced to trek half a mile in high heels, carting four children and a gift in 95-degree weather, because no neighborhood is built to allow for three hundred cars at one single house. Solutions exist, they just might take some imagination. Also, sometimes a reception center is located in a city where parking is difficult and guests may even have to pay to park.

There are several beautiful venues out there, just be sure you've thought through the options. A good rule of thumb could be to put yourself in your guests shoes. Sometimes, literally, it may make you rethink that pretty cobblestone pathway!

Rehearsal dinner vs. post wedding brunch?

What’s the difference? Or is it a wedding breakfast?

The difference is... not much for LDS people. Since we don’t have a real need for a rehearsal dinner, the event has become a gathering of the intimate family of the bride and groom. (Possibly including other VIP guests to the wedding or people in the wedding party) So do you have to have both? No! They are basically one in the same as far as our culture dictates.

What if my wedding is in the afternoon, not the morning? (Gasp!) Then you can have a post wedding dinner. That is, assuming, you aren’t having a dinner reception. Cause that might be overkill.

Is one or the other more culturally expected in your area? Than go with that one. Otherwise, choose what works best for you. I personally had a post wedding brunch and then still invited the families together to my parents’ house the night before the wedding, because I couldn’t stand to be away from my smoopsie-poo for one extra second. But do what works for you. You don’t have to do both. You don’t have to do either. It’s up to what you want, what you a can budget for and what you can handle.

By the way, here’s an interesting article on Wikipedia about wedding breakfasts, which is what we often call the post wedding brunch.

February Contest Winner!

Congratulations Alise!

As the only person to tell me about a electronic share for my launch party you win the free book. Yay! Thanks Alise for your "shameless plug", I enjoyed it immensely.

To everyone else. If you shared, don't forget, you have to tell me so I see it. Look forward to my March contest. It'll be the biggest one yet!

And please send me any questions you may have  to LDSWeddingQuestions@gmail.com

Reemerging after the Ceremony

A word about the day of the ceremony: You need to be ready (as in hair and make-up—not wearing your dress) when you go to the temple. You aren't asked to come an hour early to give you time to get ready at the temple. Give yourself plenty of time to get ready at home. I mean a lot of time. You don’t want to feel rushed and pushed. If it takes you a half hour normally, (and if it does, good job you!) give yourself at least an hour. You should change into your dress at the temple, but other than that you need to be ready.

Don’t keep your guests waiting for an extended period of time at the temple before or after the ceremony. One bride recently told me, she took so long to appear after the ceremony that the temple workers began to fear something had happened to her and so had many guests in an uproar of fear by the time they tracked her down. Don’t plan to ready yourself again after the ceremony (except to change if need be). People will be waiting for you. Just quickly put away the sacred clothing, change your dress, and come straight out.  I have literally waited over an hour for the bride to re-emerge after the ceremony, and she looked exactly the same as when I had just seen her. You look beautiful! Now, get out there.

Children at the Reception

It's a good idea to make a plan for children at your reception. (Assuming they're invited.) You should consider a few things for children to do. You know the ones -- they're stuck hanging around the reception all night. (Whining, running, eyeing the cake and generally making it hard for their adult counterparts.)

Ideas might include: kid-friendly food (such as hot dogs, mac ‘n cheese, eatable centerpieces) if your chosen food isn’t kid friendly, coloring pages and crayons, some sort of craft, or even a movie in another room. If you are serving a full meal and having dancing at the reception that should be enough to entertain the children. But if it’s a lot of sitting around and talking, the kids may get bored; and after tugging on your arm and screaming for an hour or so, they may get rowdy.

February Contest: Win a free book!

Hey guys! It's time again for a contest. This time you can win a free pre-release copy of my new book, Your LDS Wedding Planner!

This is my easiest contest yet.  All you have to do is publicly blog, post, or tweet about my launch party and include one of these two url’s in your post:

• http://ldsweddingplanner.blogspot.com/2012/02/launch-party.html
• http://is.gd/VUhblz

(The short one is nicer for twitter.)  

Then email me a link to your post or tweet at ldsweddingquestions@gmail.com. Please put “Launch Party Contest” in the subject line.

For example, I posted the link on my wall on Facebook, so I could send an email like this: 

to: ldsweddingquestions@gmail.com
subject: Launch Party Contest

Ann, I posted your link on my wall at
http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100002977036857
Notice I set the post visibility to Public. Hope I win the book.

For every way that you publicly and verifiably share the url about my upcoming Launch Party, you get entered into a drawing for my book. This contest runs from now until the last day of February. (That’s next Wednesday.)

NOTE: I will only accept entries where you post the links from an account of your own.  I won’t accept entries where you left the links in someone’s comment stream, or defaced a wiki-page.  That’s called spam. Spam kills puppies.

Launch Party

You're Invited!

My launch party for my new book, Your LDS Wedding Planner, will be Thursday, March 15 2012 from 2-5 pm at the BYU Bookstore in Provo, Utah. Come to purchase my book, sample a mint brownie, meet and greet with me and for a chance to win one of two gift certificates. ($100 at Carsey Cakes or $150 at Sweetheart Bridal )

I look forward to seeing you all there!

(Sorry for the lack of posts recently, my baby has been in the hospital)

Facebook and Your Wedding

Facebook is taking over the world. It's fast. It's easy. You can tell hundreds of people something in mere seconds. But as Spiderman knows, "with great power comes great responsibility". With everything so easily shared on social networks you need to be careful. Here's a link to an article about being careful to not let Facebook ruin your wedding. (5 ways Facebook can ruin your wedding)

It's key points are:

• Don't let your family and close friends find out on Facebook - not cool, definitely not cool.
• People can post mean things about your wedding plans
• People assume they're invited to your wedding
• People think RSVP-ing using Facebook is good enough - Although in this tech savvy world, it is becoming more popular to create a wedding website and let your guests RSVP using this method.
• Things aren't private anymore - because people post pictures of everything from their big day to a stranger's most embarrassing moments.

All in all, social networks can be a great tool. Just be careful. Nothing on the internet is really private, no matter how many walls you put up.  

Sneak Peek at my Book!

Click on this link for a sneak peek at the introduction and first chapter of my new book, Your LDS Wedding Planner! I'll be having a launch party in March, more details to follow.

Upcoming Contest

Hey guys! I'm about to have another contest. Here's your chance to make a request. Any suggestions for where the next $25 gift card should be to? Let me know in this comment strain.

Wedding Vendor Website

Here is a great website where you can look up different vendors in your area. (Wedding Wire) It has many different wedding helps, but the one I find most useful is the section on vendors. You can put in your zip code and what sort of vendor you are looking for and "Voila!" tons of vendors in you area. 

My favorite part? It has reviews! I love a good review.  I'd much rather use someone that has great reviews other than pick a name out of a line-up. After all then they can tell you if someone is "So awesome they made my day perfect!" or if they were, "hard to communicate with, not a good value for the dollar, poor quality or just in general a giant poop-head." 

Check it out. I think you'll like it.

Uneven Guest List

Question

What do you do if you have a small amount of relatives on one side of the family and a lot of relatives on the other side?
Garret

Answer

A problem usually arises in this instance if you assume the guest lists from each side should be equal in number. That isn’t true. More important than numbers, is relationships. If I have six brothers and sisters and you have one, do I invite my six and you invite your one plus five friends to make up the difference? No.

The best answer is: There has to be a consistent boundary line for all guests, no matter whose family they’re from. For instance, the boundary line could be immediate family. But where is the line, really? What about your stepbrother? Is he invited? What about your sister’s husband . . . ? The line should be as simple as possible. You have to clearly define this line and stick to it. The best method is to find a way to make the boundary line include all the people that both sides want.

Yes, there may be exceptions to the line. If Great-Auntie Dell always sends a card on your birthday and visits regularly, then she should be invited, but it doesn’t mean you have to invite your third cousin who you’ve never met to keep the line perfect. However, anytime you stray from the boundary line, it must be communicated with both the bride and the groom and their families reducing the chances of offense. The allowance should be made both families to invite such exceptions.

No matter what your reasons are for varying outside a consistent boundary, your guests will not all understand. You don’t get to decide if your guests’ feelings are hurt or if they should be offended. This is a place where feelings are very sensitive. So be cautious.

Thanks for the question Garret!

Pre-order my book!

"Your LDS Wedding Planner" is now available for pre-order on Amazon! Check it out!

Salt Lake's Premier Wedding Show

I went to Salt Lake's Premier Wedding Show today at the Joseph Smith Memorial Building and the Lion House. It was a lot of fun and I would recommend it in the future to all brides. It had the usual vendors there to speak to brides and show their wares. But it also had many, many different displays set up, giving brides lots of ideas as to what different looks could bring to their event.

There was a room where brides could make a fresh bouquet, a full room with several caterers able to show off the best of their goods, and a fashion show with over a dozen modest gowns.

The top floor of the Lion House was dedicated to some of the Lion House's own catering wonders. They had dessert crepes filled with one of three cream choices, a blend of berries and 2 toppings. So yummy, I would have waited in the huge line twice if it wasn't taboo. (My mother would have never forgiven me.) They also had crepes filled with chicken and your choice of Pesto or Alfredo sauce. (I get excited just remembering them.) Seriously, Lion House Catering, awesome.

All in all, it really was a great experience. Formal, as the other bridal fair was, but warm and much more welcoming. This fair gave you the feel of, "Hey come in and sit awhile. Talk with your friends and make new ones. Let us help you and show you how beautiful and relaxing your big day can be."

Cultural Hall Decorations

Question

What is the best way to decorate an entire cultural hall? I wanted to do my wedding outside mainly because I wanted to let nature decorate for me.
If it is in the winter though it is really hard to do that and I don't want to pay an arm and a leg for a wedding venue?
~Brittany

Answer

There are many ways to decorate a cultural hall. The options are limited only by your imagination and budget. Lots of beautiful things can be done for very little money. You can bring in “decorations” from your home, borrow from others or rent any number of things at various price ranges. You can hire a decorator to come in and take care of it all for you. Be careful not to spend so much money that it would have been cheaper to just go to another venue.

Here are some ideas that go beyond the “norm” for cultural hall decorations:

• String wire across the ceiling and weave fabric through it to create a billowy effect.
• Line the walls with fabric. 
• Use tables, benches, podiums and other furniture to create levels to decorate. (You can cover less sightly ones with fabric.)
• Bring in backdrops, pictures, archways, curtains, dividers, furniture from home, flower arrangements, mirrors, etc.
• Hang twinkling lights or some other alternate lighting (Chinese lanterns are very popular)
• Decorate tables and other surfaces with linens and creative centerpieces to draw attention (for example: flower arrangements, candles, jars, pictures, etc. )
• Embellish chairs, by wrapping lengths of fabric around them and adding a flower at the knot
•  Bring in a canopy or large tent and decorate with lights and flowers

Here are 2 websites that give some general guidance to decorating a cultural hall:

• LDS Living
• Deseret News

The things they add to what I’ve said is:

• Don’t feel obligated to decorate the entire room. Close it in a bit using whatever means available (for example: dividers, backdrops, furniture, or curtains)
• Use linens on the ceiling, walls, tables and floor
• Add in small touches and details using small props 
• Don’t limit yourself to the cultural hall (You can also decorate the pathway leading into the reception)
  

Just remember that it’s a good idea to either decorate the night before the wedding or have someone else do it for you. This will leave you free the next day to concentrate on your wedding and to not be worrying about details.

Thanks for the question Brittany!

Receiving Line

Question

Do you have to have a line? We really wanted to take the time to enjoy our wedding instead of being stuck in line ALL night, but others thought it was impolite because that was their only chance to say congratulations. Could a wedding table serve the same purpose and people come to the table?
~Brittany

Answer

You really should have a receiving line. When there is no official line and the couple
is walking through the crowd, or seated at a table the whole time, it doesn’t give all the guests an opportunity to congratulate the couple. It is very important to give your guests this opportunity. You may think that you are more approachable walking around or seated at a table, than in a line. That’s ridiculous! Normal, polite people, who are your parents’ friends, won’t interrupt a conversation you are having just to say, “Hello, I’m an obscure person to you, but I had to buy you a gift and drive all the way down here because I love your mom and dad.” So find a place to stand still to greet your guests who have taken time out of their own busy lives to celebrate this amazing time of your life.

You don’t have to have a receiving line for the entirety of your reception. If you want a chance to mingle, eat, dance or just sit down, at your reception, you can indicate so on the invitation by stating, “Receiving line from 6:00–7:30 p.m., Dancing from 7:30–8:30 p.m.” Or some-such. A great way to handle the ending of a formal receiving line is to send a bridesmaid or groomsman to the end of the line of guests entering and let newcomers know that the receiving line is closing and that they can just go right into the reception.

Prioritizing Your Budget

Question

What are some of the more important things to spend your budget on? Like I understand that photos are going to last longer than how many times you will wear your dress, but then again your dress is in the photo. Just not sure how to prioritize my budget.
~Brittany

Answer

How to prioritize your budget is a very personal decision. The bad news is, you're going to have to do it. 

Best way to go about it is: Sit down, with your fiance and individually make a list of the 5 things that matter most to each of you. Now it starts to get hard. Compare your lists. Now narrow them down.

What matters most? That's up to you. But think carefully. Do you want a huge diamond or a big honeymoon? A four course sit down meal or 400 guests? You may have money for everything, but most people don't. Just put your list in order of what matters most to you and put the most money toward it. Then move your way down the list until you run out of budget. 

Don't like where you ran out? Then things mean more to you than you thought. Time to reconsider. Reconsider it time and again. Just don't buy anything until you've settled on what matters most and what matters least, and how much you have for them all. 

Then here's the key: stay within your budget. Remember, just because you don't have a lot of money doesn't mean it can't be great. There are many ways to have a beautiful wedding on a small budget.

Thank You Notes

Question

What is the window of time for sending thank you notes after your wedding. When is it too late?

~Heather

Answer

Emily Post says, and I agree, that you should send thank you notes within three months of the wedding.

When is it too late? Technically after three months, but I personally would rather get a thank you note late than not at all. So I say, start sending the notes as soon as possible and if you have any that would be going out late, send them anyway

Wedding guest attire

Question

So, when the invitation does not specify dress code, what is the proper attire?

~Sarah

Answer

Great question Sarah. While it's becoming more common for people to put the dress code on the invitation, it's generally done more if it's a formal affair. (For example, black tie or white tie)

If the invitation doesn't specifically state it you can try a number of things to surmise the proper attire.

• Look at the invitation- Is it engraved? Is it formally worded or more playfully? 
• What time of day is the reception? Daytime events are less formal than night.
• Where is it being held? Is it at a church? In a garden? At the beach? Dress appropriately for that venue. 
• What is the couple like? Are they more likely to have a formal event or more laid back? (Although be careful with your assumptions on this one, people do not always make the same choices regarding a wedding as any other event.)
• Is this a themed wedding?

Much can be deciphered by paying attention to these cues. If you still don't know what to wear, best to go with a jacket and tie for the men and a nice dress for the ladies.

Many things are true regarding attire no matter what the preferred dress is.

• It's always better to overdress than under-dress. 
• Don't overshadow the bride.
• Always wear something modest.
• Dress to show respect for the couple and the event.

If all else fails: ask any key member of the bridal party. They will know. 

Someone Monopolizing the Wedding Plans?

Question

Also, I have a friend whose future mother-in-law is basically taking over all the planning and decision making. He wants to be involved; but she insists it's the bride's job. (However, the bride isn't getting to have things the way she wants, either.) How can he politely let her know that he wants to help, and that the final decisions should be made by him and his fiance? No one wants to cause hard feelings, but it is their wedding, after all...

~Aubree

Answer

The key to this kind of situation is communication. The groom has every right to be involved in the wedding planning. A good general rule of thumb is the bride gets to be the bad guy to her family and the groom gets to be the bad guy to his family. So if the trouble is with the bride's mom, the bride ought to try to handle it saying something like, "Mom, I really wanted Greg to be more involved in the decisions—and he wants to as well." Make sense? Although, if Bride can't handle it then it might be time to start "cleaving unto your spouse" and talk to Mom together.

Mom really should be taking the bridal couple's wishes into consideration. However, there's always a big, "it depends" in every decision making process. It could be that Mom is paying for everything and so feels she gets a bigger say. Or it could be that Bride is forceful when discussing the situation to Groom and friends, but sheepish and passive about it when Mom's around. 

This is why communication is key. Explain to Mom kindly and face to face how you feel. Identify the things you really care about having a say in, and call out the things that you would really like her help with. Thank her for her support and ask her to handle particular aspects instead of the whole affair. 

Best to be kind but clear. This is another problem that can be avoided by having the parent meeting first. Already well immersed in the planning, Aubree? Well then have a parent meeting now. Having all the parties in the same room for the discussion solves a surprisingly lot of problems. It eliminates much of the he-said-she-said. (And when I say discussion, I don't mean details like "Which invitation?" so much as, "Who's in charge of invitations?" Got it?)

Just remember, and I can't say this enough, be kind. She is going to be a part of your lives for a long time. Families are eternal. Try to find a way to get along. From time to time ask yourself, "Is this a hill worth dying on?" Mom loves you and you love her. Let that show in all your interactions. 

Invitations Mailed

Question

How far in advance should wedding invitations be sent out? I've received some that were so far out I forgot about them when the time arrived, and I've gotten some so close to the date that we couldn't make it.

~Aubree

Answer

Wedding Invitations should be mailed 4 to 8 weeks in advance. I know this may seem like a long time out, but you need to allow time for:

• each invitation to reach its destination (including international ones)
• RSVPs to be returned
• any wrong addresses to be returned and resent
• travel plans to be made for anyone needing them

If it seems inconvenient think that this added time also gives your guests ample time to quilt you a beautiful comforter complete with full profiles and monogrammed names. Or they could whittle you a full chess set. Whatever the reason, it really is best to give your guests plenty of time.

Temple Guests

Question

Since you are an LDS wedding planner I have a question that is uniquely LDS. How do you move forward with a temple wedding if there are close family members that will be unable to come to the temple? How do you have a temple ceremony without hurting close family members, like parents, that want to be there for the actual ceremony?

~Liz

Answer

Temple weddings can be a confusing and sensitive subject for people who are unable to attend. Here is a link to an article on lds.org to better help with this situation. 

You need to talk with them and help them understand how important the temple is to you. You can invite the intimate members of your family who cannot attend the ceremony to come later to the temple to see the bridal couple emerge and to be in the pictures. The temple has a small waiting room where guests not attending the ceremony may wait. Also, most temples will allow the sealer to accompany the couple out to the waiting room to answer any questions and help the family understand.

One other choice is that throughout the nation it is becoming more common to hold a ring ceremony at your reception site in between the sealing ceremony and reception. This is a way to involve those members of your family. It is simple and should not be another wedding ceremony. Someone should speak about the temple and talk about eternal marriage and then the couple may have a simple exchanging of rings. However, this should never overshadow the actual temple ceremony.

Contest Winner!

Thanks so much for all the participation in the contest.

And the winner is...Brittany!

Congratulations Brittany. 

I'm still going to answer all the submitted questions. Come back for the answers and for future contests. And always feel free to ask anything else.

Step-mother Involvement

Question

What would be a good way to involve a step-mother in wedding planning, without stepping on the real mother's toes?

~The Doutt Family

Answer

Thanks for the great question Doutt Family!

Sharing the responsibilities, whether financial or decision making, can be difficult for any wedding. Doing so with a mixed family can be even harder. 

When bride and groom announce their engagement, the first thing that should be done is to have a parent meeting. (See my post on parent meetings.) If all parties can get along fairly well, the best answer would be for step parents to be invited to this crucial decision-making meeting. Then step-mother's role can be easily defined right from the beginning. 

After the bridal couple, traditionally the mother and father of the bride and groom pay, help the most with decisions, and are in the seats of honor at dinner, during toasts, and dancing. But today more and more children are being raised by their step-parents and forming closer and closer bonds with them.

Bow to the bride's prerogative. This is an exciting and stressful time for her. If she wants her mom more involved and her step-mom less involved, or the opposite, try to honor that.  Make an offer in the beginning to the bride to help in any way you can.  Make it clear that you will support her in whatever role she gives you. Then let it be. Love her and support her. Don't pester her—that will only make it worse. Ultimately, problems will be a lot fewer if things are discussed right from the get go, instead of waiting for a clash to arise.

Step-mom: Still don't know what to do now? Ask bride and her mom how you can help and if they don't have anything for you to do try to be supportive and kind. Bride may need you when things get too stressful and she needs a place to go just to relax.

Buying from the Gift Registry

Question

As a guest - should I stick to the registry or can I go offbook and get something else for the couple?

~Anonymous

Answer

Thank you so much for your question! Remember, if you want to be entered into the contest, you have to be following the blog and tell me your name.

As a guest at a wedding you can buy the couple whatever you like. The registry is just a guide. The registry used to be so the couple could choose a china pattern or silver set and then guests could come and buy portions of the set (as one full set was costly).

However, gift registries have since become a couple's wish list. These lists are filled with things that the couple specifically wants or, air-quotes, "needs", but I personally believe that a gift should say something about the giver. I myself like to choose things that I got for my own wedding that were unexpected and perfect.

So..Yes, you have to buy a gift from the registry and No, you can buy the couple whatever you deem fit.

Comments

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Weddings in Season

Question

Are weddings best to plan for the winter, fall, spring or summer?

 ~PanchoUte

Answer

Thanks for being the first to ask a question during the contest! 

You can plan a wedding for any particular season and no season is best, but each season impacts your plans differently.

When choosing your season keep in mind a few things:

• Flowers are cheaper if bought in season
• Colors are easier to find in season (for instance: oranges are a lot easier to come by in the fall than in the spring)
• Do you want an outdoor reception? Keeping guests comfortable can be a lot more difficult and costly in some seasons (for example, winter in cold climates).
• Lots of brides choose Summer weddings, so many vendors are busier then.
   

Other things in the year impact your planning often more than season.

• If you live in a college town (or even sometimes if you don't) the breaks in the semesters tend to be over-packed.
• How long do you want your engagement to be? (Long engagements can be hard.)
• Do you want to avoid any major holidays? (Yes!)
• This is when your anniversary will be forever. (That's right forever. You will always be celebrating your anniversary during this time. Every year. For all time. For real. Think about it.)

Many things (like flowers and hotel rooms) tend to be more expensive around holidays like Valentine's and Mother's Day. And most venues book up quickly for anytime in June. Christmas is a crazy time of year and summer can be sweltering. But the short answer is, every season (or time of year) has its problems and its benefits. Season shouldn't really be the determining factor. So, choose what best suits you. 

Win a $25 gift card to Olive Garden!

Hey members of my blog! 

Ask me a wedding related question in this comment stream and I'll enter your name in a drawing for a free $25 gift card to Olive Garden. Ask two questions, get entered twice and so on and so on!

Not a member of my blog? Click to "Join this site" and ask your questions. This contest will run from now until Saturday at 5pm when I'll announce the winner!

Good luck!

We the management reserve the right to not enter your name because your question is just yanking my chain. Void where prohibited.

Coming Soon!

I have a book being published!

"Your LDS Wedding Planner: A Guide to a Stunning Wedding" is set to be released on March 13th, published by Cedar Fort. It's a wedding reference guide with a detailed checklist to get you from "I'm engaged" to "What do I pack in my emergency kit?" and through past the honeymoon. Keep checking my blog for advice, to ask your questions, for free give-aways and also to pre-order my book!

Invitation Wording- No children please

It is an etiquette faux pas to add the words, "No children please" or "Adults only please" to a wedding invitation. Technically, anyone not listed on the envelope is not invited and so, unless you list the children, the invitee should not bring them. 

However. Some room must be given to culture. We as LDS people tend to include and invite children very often. People generally assume the whole family is invited unless otherwise stated. So what do you do? Do you breech etiquette and let your guests know that children are not invited on the invitation? Or do you pray the kids don't come?

I know one guest that was not informed of the "adults only"-ness of a reception, and so went along with her 8 children in tow. When she arrived at the event, she was met by a hired babysitter (who was a teenager she didn't know) who informed the guest, that she would care for the children while the guest attended the reception. Well the guest had 8 kids! Including infant twins. How excited do you think she was about this arrangement? It would have been way better to alert her before the reception, so she could decide what to do with her children and have them cared for under her own conditions. 

It's worth the slight breech in etiquette to inform parents to leave the little ones at home to accommodate for our family friendly LDS culture. While this may be a breech of etiquette, the purpose of etiquette is not to blindly follow advice passed down by our mothers. The purpose is to ensure that human interactions proceed as smoothly as possible without hurt feelings. If you know someone will probably bring their children unless told otherwise and you don't want them to, then you should let the know. You shouldn't just blindside them at the event. How is that polite? Etiquette is about polite. Believe me it will make the whole experience less stressful and more joyful.

Salt Lake Bridal Showcase

I went to the Salt Lake Bridal Showcase tonight. I was able to visit every booth and it was a lot of fun. Most of the vendors there would be useful for an LDS wedding. I was surprised by the dresses on display; overall they were not modest and certainly not temple appropriate. Many a dress shop and designer reassured me that they do have modest dresses, or could alter their dresses to make them modest. But I was surprised by how few of the dresses on display portrayed that. Interesting for a city with such a high LDS population. 

Anyway, some of the vendors there were fantastic. Here are a few that stood out to me:

• Shutter Booth - This is a photo booth for your guests. It's quite the new craze. It fits somewhere around 10 people at a time. Your guests go in, have candid photos taken, and come away with a strip printed just for them, with your wedding logo printed on it. You also get a copy either printed for you and put into a book (that your guests can sign) or saved to a disc. Now how fun is that! By the way, the owners will stay and monitor your booth to help keep things G rated.
• Laughing Gravy - These guys are DJs and Emcees that provide the whole shebang. They bring in lights, music, a DJ and even have karaoke. You get to choose the playlist and they have hours of music for you to choose from. Tell them what you like or what you don't like and they'll accommodate. 
• Ambrosia Wedding Cakes - Heather Berntsen creates these beautiful and delicious cakes. She'll give you ideas or create one from your own vision. Give her a call. As she put it,"ambrosia is the food for the gods."
• Goodwood Barbecue Company - What sets Jenny McAffee (Catering Director) apart from the rest is her flexibility and great attitude. She truly believes this is your special day and whatever you want can be done. She will provide anything from a full service sit down meal, to drop off buffet food, to delivering the dishes for you to serve your grandma's lasagna in. She's kind and capable and has a great product to stand behind. I highly recommend her and the Goodwood Barbecue Company.
• Stronger Marriage - This Utah government agency was there helping to promote not only a successful wedding but a successful marriage. They are dedicated to helping couples to turn me into we. They believe that a wedding is a great time to begin practicing how you as a couple will deal with hard decisions, such as: communication, budgeting, and the in-laws. And I agree wholeheartedly. 

Well those are some of the highlights. Check it out yourself! The Bridal Showcase goes through Saturday, January 7, is at the Salt Palace, and costs $7. (A $2 off coupon can be printed here.)

MSN's Budget Tips

There is an article on MSN today with 50 budget tips for brides. Here's the link:

http://yourmoney.msn.com/saving-money-advice/31662909

Parts of it can't be used for an LDS wedding, but much of it is helpful. Some of my favorites are:

• have a smaller guest list
• serve dessert instead of dinner
• have a small wedding cake and serve guests from a sheet cake
• use a playlist instead of a band (I'd even throw in to have a friend play DJ.)
• use in-season flowers (I also suggest silk flowers which can be quite cheap.)
• shop post-holiday sales
• borrow or rent items, instead of buying (This can be applied to your dress, jewelry, decorations, tables and chairs, linens, vases, etc.)

Another of their suggestions is to be clear with your potential vendors about the budget you are willing to spend, so you don't shop outside of your price range. I would be careful. People in sales love to up-sell. I would undercut your budget slightly to them, giving you wiggle room. That will help so that when they pull out all the stops and mention cutesy little individual wedding cakes for each guest, you might have room to add on.