Uneven Guest List

Question

What do you do if you have a small amount of relatives on one side of the family and a lot of relatives on the other side?
Garret

Answer

A problem usually arises in this instance if you assume the guest lists from each side should be equal in number. That isn’t true. More important than numbers, is relationships. If I have six brothers and sisters and you have one, do I invite my six and you invite your one plus five friends to make up the difference? No.

The best answer is: There has to be a consistent boundary line for all guests, no matter whose family they’re from. For instance, the boundary line could be immediate family. But where is the line, really? What about your stepbrother? Is he invited? What about your sister’s husband . . . ? The line should be as simple as possible. You have to clearly define this line and stick to it. The best method is to find a way to make the boundary line include all the people that both sides want.

Yes, there may be exceptions to the line. If Great-Auntie Dell always sends a card on your birthday and visits regularly, then she should be invited, but it doesn’t mean you have to invite your third cousin who you’ve never met to keep the line perfect. However, anytime you stray from the boundary line, it must be communicated with both the bride and the groom and their families reducing the chances of offense. The allowance should be made both families to invite such exceptions.

No matter what your reasons are for varying outside a consistent boundary, your guests will not all understand. You don’t get to decide if your guests’ feelings are hurt or if they should be offended. This is a place where feelings are very sensitive. So be cautious.

Thanks for the question Garret!