Uneven Guest List

Question

What do you do if you have a small amount of relatives on one side of the family and a lot of relatives on the other side?
Garret

Answer

A problem usually arises in this instance if you assume the guest lists from each side should be equal in number. That isn’t true. More important than numbers, is relationships. If I have six brothers and sisters and you have one, do I invite my six and you invite your one plus five friends to make up the difference? No.

The best answer is: There has to be a consistent boundary line for all guests, no matter whose family they’re from. For instance, the boundary line could be immediate family. But where is the line, really? What about your stepbrother? Is he invited? What about your sister’s husband . . . ? The line should be as simple as possible. You have to clearly define this line and stick to it. The best method is to find a way to make the boundary line include all the people that both sides want.

Yes, there may be exceptions to the line. If Great-Auntie Dell always sends a card on your birthday and visits regularly, then she should be invited, but it doesn’t mean you have to invite your third cousin who you’ve never met to keep the line perfect. However, anytime you stray from the boundary line, it must be communicated with both the bride and the groom and their families reducing the chances of offense. The allowance should be made both families to invite such exceptions.

No matter what your reasons are for varying outside a consistent boundary, your guests will not all understand. You don’t get to decide if your guests’ feelings are hurt or if they should be offended. This is a place where feelings are very sensitive. So be cautious.

Thanks for the question Garret!

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Salt Lake's Premier Wedding Show

I went to Salt Lake's Premier Wedding Show today at the Joseph Smith Memorial Building and the Lion House. It was a lot of fun and I would recommend it in the future to all brides. It had the usual vendors there to speak to brides and show their wares. But it also had many, many different displays set up, giving brides lots of ideas as to what different looks could bring to their event.

There was a room where brides could make a fresh bouquet, a full room with several caterers able to show off the best of their goods, and a fashion show with over a dozen modest gowns.

The top floor of the Lion House was dedicated to some of the Lion House's own catering wonders. They had dessert crepes filled with one of three cream choices, a blend of berries and 2 toppings. So yummy, I would have waited in the huge line twice if it wasn't taboo. (My mother would have never forgiven me.) They also had crepes filled with chicken and your choice of Pesto or Alfredo sauce. (I get excited just remembering them.) Seriously, Lion House Catering, awesome.

All in all, it really was a great experience. Formal, as the other bridal fair was, but warm and much more welcoming. This fair gave you the feel of, "Hey come in and sit awhile. Talk with your friends and make new ones. Let us help you and show you how beautiful and relaxing your big day can be."

Cultural Hall Decorations

Question

What is the best way to decorate an entire cultural hall? I wanted to do my wedding outside mainly because I wanted to let nature decorate for me.
If it is in the winter though it is really hard to do that and I don't want to pay an arm and a leg for a wedding venue?
~Brittany

Answer

There are many ways to decorate a cultural hall. The options are limited only by your imagination and budget. Lots of beautiful things can be done for very little money. You can bring in “decorations” from your home, borrow from others or rent any number of things at various price ranges. You can hire a decorator to come in and take care of it all for you. Be careful not to spend so much money that it would have been cheaper to just go to another venue.

Here are some ideas that go beyond the “norm” for cultural hall decorations:

• String wire across the ceiling and weave fabric through it to create a billowy effect.
• Line the walls with fabric. 
• Use tables, benches, podiums and other furniture to create levels to decorate. (You can cover less sightly ones with fabric.)
• Bring in backdrops, pictures, archways, curtains, dividers, furniture from home, flower arrangements, mirrors, etc.
• Hang twinkling lights or some other alternate lighting (Chinese lanterns are very popular)
• Decorate tables and other surfaces with linens and creative centerpieces to draw attention (for example: flower arrangements, candles, jars, pictures, etc. )
• Embellish chairs, by wrapping lengths of fabric around them and adding a flower at the knot
•  Bring in a canopy or large tent and decorate with lights and flowers

Here are 2 websites that give some general guidance to decorating a cultural hall:

• LDS Living
• Deseret News

The things they add to what I’ve said is:

• Don’t feel obligated to decorate the entire room. Close it in a bit using whatever means available (for example: dividers, backdrops, furniture, or curtains)
• Use linens on the ceiling, walls, tables and floor
• Add in small touches and details using small props 
• Don’t limit yourself to the cultural hall (You can also decorate the pathway leading into the reception)
  

Just remember that it’s a good idea to either decorate the night before the wedding or have someone else do it for you. This will leave you free the next day to concentrate on your wedding and to not be worrying about details.

Thanks for the question Brittany!

Receiving Line

Question

Do you have to have a line? We really wanted to take the time to enjoy our wedding instead of being stuck in line ALL night, but others thought it was impolite because that was their only chance to say congratulations. Could a wedding table serve the same purpose and people come to the table?
~Brittany

Answer

You really should have a receiving line. When there is no official line and the couple
is walking through the crowd, or seated at a table the whole time, it doesn’t give all the guests an opportunity to congratulate the couple. It is very important to give your guests this opportunity. You may think that you are more approachable walking around or seated at a table, than in a line. That’s ridiculous! Normal, polite people, who are your parents’ friends, won’t interrupt a conversation you are having just to say, “Hello, I’m an obscure person to you, but I had to buy you a gift and drive all the way down here because I love your mom and dad.” So find a place to stand still to greet your guests who have taken time out of their own busy lives to celebrate this amazing time of your life.

You don’t have to have a receiving line for the entirety of your reception. If you want a chance to mingle, eat, dance or just sit down, at your reception, you can indicate so on the invitation by stating, “Receiving line from 6:00–7:30 p.m., Dancing from 7:30–8:30 p.m.” Or some-such. A great way to handle the ending of a formal receiving line is to send a bridesmaid or groomsman to the end of the line of guests entering and let newcomers know that the receiving line is closing and that they can just go right into the reception.

Prioritizing Your Budget

Question

What are some of the more important things to spend your budget on? Like I understand that photos are going to last longer than how many times you will wear your dress, but then again your dress is in the photo. Just not sure how to prioritize my budget.
~Brittany

Answer

How to prioritize your budget is a very personal decision. The bad news is, you're going to have to do it. 

Best way to go about it is: Sit down, with your fiance and individually make a list of the 5 things that matter most to each of you. Now it starts to get hard. Compare your lists. Now narrow them down.

What matters most? That's up to you. But think carefully. Do you want a huge diamond or a big honeymoon? A four course sit down meal or 400 guests? You may have money for everything, but most people don't. Just put your list in order of what matters most to you and put the most money toward it. Then move your way down the list until you run out of budget. 

Don't like where you ran out? Then things mean more to you than you thought. Time to reconsider. Reconsider it time and again. Just don't buy anything until you've settled on what matters most and what matters least, and how much you have for them all. 

Then here's the key: stay within your budget. Remember, just because you don't have a lot of money doesn't mean it can't be great. There are many ways to have a beautiful wedding on a small budget.

Thank You Notes

Question

What is the window of time for sending thank you notes after your wedding. When is it too late?

~Heather

Answer

Emily Post says, and I agree, that you should send thank you notes within three months of the wedding.

When is it too late? Technically after three months, but I personally would rather get a thank you note late than not at all. So I say, start sending the notes as soon as possible and if you have any that would be going out late, send them anyway

Wedding guest attire

Question

So, when the invitation does not specify dress code, what is the proper attire?

~Sarah

Answer

Great question Sarah. While it's becoming more common for people to put the dress code on the invitation, it's generally done more if it's a formal affair. (For example, black tie or white tie)

If the invitation doesn't specifically state it you can try a number of things to surmise the proper attire.

• Look at the invitation- Is it engraved? Is it formally worded or more playfully? 
• What time of day is the reception? Daytime events are less formal than night.
• Where is it being held? Is it at a church? In a garden? At the beach? Dress appropriately for that venue. 
• What is the couple like? Are they more likely to have a formal event or more laid back? (Although be careful with your assumptions on this one, people do not always make the same choices regarding a wedding as any other event.)
• Is this a themed wedding?

Much can be deciphered by paying attention to these cues. If you still don't know what to wear, best to go with a jacket and tie for the men and a nice dress for the ladies.

Many things are true regarding attire no matter what the preferred dress is.

• It's always better to overdress than under-dress. 
• Don't overshadow the bride.
• Always wear something modest.
• Dress to show respect for the couple and the event.

If all else fails: ask any key member of the bridal party. They will know. 

Someone Monopolizing the Wedding Plans?

Question

Also, I have a friend whose future mother-in-law is basically taking over all the planning and decision making. He wants to be involved; but she insists it's the bride's job. (However, the bride isn't getting to have things the way she wants, either.) How can he politely let her know that he wants to help, and that the final decisions should be made by him and his fiance? No one wants to cause hard feelings, but it is their wedding, after all...

~Aubree

Answer

The key to this kind of situation is communication. The groom has every right to be involved in the wedding planning. A good general rule of thumb is the bride gets to be the bad guy to her family and the groom gets to be the bad guy to his family. So if the trouble is with the bride's mom, the bride ought to try to handle it saying something like, "Mom, I really wanted Greg to be more involved in the decisions—and he wants to as well." Make sense? Although, if Bride can't handle it then it might be time to start "cleaving unto your spouse" and talk to Mom together.

Mom really should be taking the bridal couple's wishes into consideration. However, there's always a big, "it depends" in every decision making process. It could be that Mom is paying for everything and so feels she gets a bigger say. Or it could be that Bride is forceful when discussing the situation to Groom and friends, but sheepish and passive about it when Mom's around. 

This is why communication is key. Explain to Mom kindly and face to face how you feel. Identify the things you really care about having a say in, and call out the things that you would really like her help with. Thank her for her support and ask her to handle particular aspects instead of the whole affair. 

Best to be kind but clear. This is another problem that can be avoided by having the parent meeting first. Already well immersed in the planning, Aubree? Well then have a parent meeting now. Having all the parties in the same room for the discussion solves a surprisingly lot of problems. It eliminates much of the he-said-she-said. (And when I say discussion, I don't mean details like "Which invitation?" so much as, "Who's in charge of invitations?" Got it?)

Just remember, and I can't say this enough, be kind. She is going to be a part of your lives for a long time. Families are eternal. Try to find a way to get along. From time to time ask yourself, "Is this a hill worth dying on?" Mom loves you and you love her. Let that show in all your interactions. 

Invitations Mailed

Question

How far in advance should wedding invitations be sent out? I've received some that were so far out I forgot about them when the time arrived, and I've gotten some so close to the date that we couldn't make it.

~Aubree

Answer

Wedding Invitations should be mailed 4 to 8 weeks in advance. I know this may seem like a long time out, but you need to allow time for:

• each invitation to reach its destination (including international ones)
• RSVPs to be returned
• any wrong addresses to be returned and resent
• travel plans to be made for anyone needing them

If it seems inconvenient think that this added time also gives your guests ample time to quilt you a beautiful comforter complete with full profiles and monogrammed names. Or they could whittle you a full chess set. Whatever the reason, it really is best to give your guests plenty of time.